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Happy Times

by J. Williams
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I was sitting in my usual dirty cafe, actually it is downright unsanitary, and at the table next to me sat a fellow with a long, drooping mustache eating soup; each time he lowered his head to the bowl and slurped, the ends of his mustache dipped in the soup; it was, so to speak, a symphony of poor culinary habits. A second fellow came through the door and walked straight to the table next to me and sat down and began gesticulating and talking loudly. "I've had it with this advertising agency job," he said. "Look at this latest thing I had to write," he said, and handed the fellow with the drooping mustache a document which read:

News Release To Medical Providers Re: Happy Times XR As you know, Celvar LLC has been at the forefront of research and development of serotonin reuptake inhibitor drugs, or antidepressants. Our bestselling antidepressant, Felnap, helped fuel the last decade of economic expansion in the United States. Now, as we careen headlong into an economic recession, we at Celvar LLC have redesigned Felnap to better interface with the new climate of lesser expectations. Effective immediately, Felnap will be called Happy Times XR. Happy Times XR is a time-release version of Felnap that retains Felnap's original efficacy in fighting depression, but adds in a randomizing happy-memory-stimulator which will cause the brain of the patient to randomly and at unpredictable intervals "remember" the "happy times" experienced during the economic expansion; the patient will "smell" the interior of the new car that was bought, "see" the panties of his newlywed wife, "taste" a cappuccino, and so on. We hope that you will encourage your patients to try Happy Days XR in their attempts to deal with what promises to be a trying economic downturn.

The man with the drooping mustache jumped up and screamed, "Ech! You! You of all people! Traitor! Why you bastard, that job of yours makes you an accomplice to crimes of world-historical proportions!" He then threw his soup in the second fellow's face, and stomped out of the dirty cafe, vegetable soup dripping from his mustache. The second fellow called out after him: "Well, at least my job has afforded me proper mustache-trimmings."


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